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To Seek What Lives Inside Is To Make It In This World
Struck by a revelation on the train
We’re often waiting for the next peak to bring us happiness, excitement, fulfillment. Over the years, I’ve grappled with this. Coming to Japan is a chapter that I’ve been counting on for years to change everything.
Here I am. I made it.
But soon, the novelty will fade. I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t already, ever so slightly; I’m becoming accustomed.
This dream that I’ve been waiting so long to reach is now, simply, normal. Okay — it still feels absolutely wild being here. Yet, the wonder isn’t so much hitting me in moments of grandeur and Japanese quintessence; it hits me on the train on my morning commute.
It hits me in the supermarket, deciphering where the hell the butter is.
It brings tears to my eyes as I look up at the moon on a bike ride home, the same moon I’ve gazed upon for years in awe, enveloped by the same black sky that’s looked down upon and loved me through the joy and pain and moments of questioning.
Finding that magic in everyday life is what keeps our spirit riding high.
Finding that magic in everyday life is what keeps us alive.
It’s there, although sometimes, the chapter we’re in feels bereft of meaning, purpose, joy. These are the moments which teach us the most. It’s up to us to seek that spark, find it, create it on our own. If we don’t, we’ll always be waiting.
Yesterday, as I walked through my neighborhood on my way to work, The Prayer, one of my all-time favorite songs by Kid Cudi, came on through my headphones. I passed a construction worker, shared an ohayo gozaimasu, good morning, and he smiled. The following lyrics began to bump:
“My heart thump not from being nervous
Sometimes I’m thinking God made me special here on purpose
So all the while ’til I’m gone, make my words important, so
If I slip away, if I die today
The last thing you remember won’t
Be about some Apple Bottom jeans with the boots with the fur
Maybe how I dream of being free since my birth
Cursed, but the demons I confronted would disperse.”
